Watching clips from the show America’s Got Talent at the airport terminal is the equivalent of celebrating the fact that I could fart without shitting my pants while indulging in three chili-cheese burritos that have coated the lining of my stomach like a tea kettle of hot water left to Lobster scream on the stove.
The contestants of this show are mediocre, having the skills of a high school talent show which I now realize is the standard expectation for a good source of entertainment.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t enjoy the occasional stunt when my friend is drunk on his own bullshit of get rich quick ambitions and 100 proof liquor as he tries and lights his own fart with my Zippo lighter. But there’s a big drawn line between being a drunk jack ass and seriously considering taking your fire fart act on the road.
Have our standards become this mediocre? Is this a glimpse of our future as we celebrate the Pulitzer and Noble Peace Prize of stupidity that has now become confused for brilliance?
If this is our take on talent, please kill me now. Don’t make it a painless death, but make it hurt to remind me of why I want to explore my other spiritual options then have to suffer through the reality of being at a never-ending frat party of existence.
If people really want to showcase their talent and impress the masses, then let’s find contestants who can add and subtract in their head without using their fingers, or read an entire book from start to finish. How about graduate high school without impregnating your girlfriend or understanding the difference between right and wrong when your best friend tells you that raw dog feels better than using a condom?
Am I asking for too much?
The real talent we should be recognizing and giving a million dollars to are the men and women who have really made a difference in society, helped all of us make long drawn mundane tasks into simple time consuming activities. What I’m talking about are inventions like the Foreman Grill, The Gift Wrap Cutter, The FM Radio Pen, The Hercules Hook, and the instant classic One Touch Can Opener. This is what should be our new definition of genius, our role models for a generation that has settled on a curriculum of useless facts under our Snapple caps and celebrity blogs. These leaders of innovation are the ones who should be recognized for greatness, not the talent-less amusement park performers that have invaded our magic box of truth.
And remember talent is not just in the eye of a bestselling Eastern European Pop sensation, but in the determination of one man or woman who finds their unique intelligence in-between time slots of The Apprentice and Who’s Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
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